Between AF, T being sick and my elliptical being broken I am having a rough week. I have been eating OK until I went to dinner with my parents last night. We went to chilies and I didn't want to eat "right". OUCH! It was a killer. Then I got home to get the my elliptical that my dad came by to fix again and it is still broken. I can be on it for about 5-10 minutes and then a bolt starts coming loose. My stepdad says to tighten it and so then I am jumping off the elliptical every 5 minutes to tighten it. :( I am WAY bummed. I miss my good workouts and it has only been a couple days.
I also can't wait for AF to be gone. I am up several pounds and just need to get back to where I was so I can feel better. I also need to work on really drinking the water. I have slacked off on that the last few days. I especailly need to drink a lot today due to my splurge last night.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Working on it
Just because I haven't written here in a while doesn't mean that I am not working my @$$ off. Literally.
OK, OK. My friend called me out about this blog. I was just going to let it go and stick with what I was doing my MFP.com but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to documant my journey. So here I am.
I was supposed to start this journey last summer. Then fall... then... Well, we all know how that goes. So I started the beginning of this year. I know, I know. SO cliche. BUt I am not doing this as a resolution. I am doing this for me. Because I want it. And I deserve it. And someday I WILL get there.
So for today I am going to copy my blogs from MFP. Then input my stats. I will stick to MFP for logging food and excersize. What can I say, it is just easier. But I will try to keep up writing here.
When I started I didn't weigh myself. Last time I weighed in I was 268 so that is what I put for my starting weight. I "light started" on the 1st but didn't "officially start until 1/6. Here are the weigh ins from MFP...
12/27/11 268 lbs
1/8/12 266 lbs
1/15/12 260 lbs
1/19/12 252 lbs
OK, OK. My friend called me out about this blog. I was just going to let it go and stick with what I was doing my MFP.com but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to documant my journey. So here I am.
I was supposed to start this journey last summer. Then fall... then... Well, we all know how that goes. So I started the beginning of this year. I know, I know. SO cliche. BUt I am not doing this as a resolution. I am doing this for me. Because I want it. And I deserve it. And someday I WILL get there.
So for today I am going to copy my blogs from MFP. Then input my stats. I will stick to MFP for logging food and excersize. What can I say, it is just easier. But I will try to keep up writing here.
When I started I didn't weigh myself. Last time I weighed in I was 268 so that is what I put for my starting weight. I "light started" on the 1st but didn't "officially start until 1/6. Here are the weigh ins from MFP...
12/27/11 268 lbs
1/8/12 266 lbs
1/15/12 260 lbs
1/19/12 252 lbs
In the beginning....
Posted on 01/01/2012
I would like to say I am going to keep this up every day but I am horrible at blog posting. I really hope I can, it is a goal of mine. But for now lets get started. I said I would "officially" start the 5th. But Why not "pre-start" on the first.
As much as I wish this first post could be a mind-blowing, great first entry; it isn't gonna happen. I have kids crying in their rooms and me about to jump on the elliptical to try to earn back some of the overage in my caleries today. Good luck to me!
Day two
Posted on 01/02/2012
%^#$@^#$%@ I typed up a big blog post then clicked the wrong button!! AHHHHHHH! SOOOO annoying!
1) Need to stop with the Coke. I guess I am trying to hurry and drink it gone so it isn't tempting me anymore. But 4 Coke's in one day is BLEH! Yucky and BAD!!!!! Good news is there are only 2 left. Bad news is there is another 12 pack here. I am going to send it home with my mom though. I just need it gone! Then it is WATER WATER WATER!!!
2) I was pleasently surprised at how much stamina I had last night. I only did the elliptical for 15 minutes but I could have easly gone longer. My main issue was it is broken. On of the feet pedals slides back and forth in the middle. So after 15 minutes I was so fed up with the freaking machine. Good news is my step-dad said he would fix it. Bad news is I have NO IDEA when. :/ On another note; I also followed a exercize routine I pinned. For day 1 it says to do 30 jumping jacks and 10 crunches. Those jumping jacks were hard and hurt like hell with all this weight bouncing around. And I am sure they weren't very pretty. But I managed through.
3) For tonight I am going to try to stay on the elliptical longer. Fingers crossed I don't get as annoyed. Also, I think I pinned another home routien I am going to try to find. And on that note I am off to excercise. At least I don't have screaming and crying kids tonight. :)
1) Need to stop with the Coke. I guess I am trying to hurry and drink it gone so it isn't tempting me anymore. But 4 Coke's in one day is BLEH! Yucky and BAD!!!!! Good news is there are only 2 left. Bad news is there is another 12 pack here. I am going to send it home with my mom though. I just need it gone! Then it is WATER WATER WATER!!!
2) I was pleasently surprised at how much stamina I had last night. I only did the elliptical for 15 minutes but I could have easly gone longer. My main issue was it is broken. On of the feet pedals slides back and forth in the middle. So after 15 minutes I was so fed up with the freaking machine. Good news is my step-dad said he would fix it. Bad news is I have NO IDEA when. :/ On another note; I also followed a exercize routine I pinned. For day 1 it says to do 30 jumping jacks and 10 crunches. Those jumping jacks were hard and hurt like hell with all this weight bouncing around. And I am sure they weren't very pretty. But I managed through.
3) For tonight I am going to try to stay on the elliptical longer. Fingers crossed I don't get as annoyed. Also, I think I pinned another home routien I am going to try to find. And on that note I am off to excercise. At least I don't have screaming and crying kids tonight. :)
Routein add on???
Posted on 01/02/2012
Anyone know how I can add a routein so I can easily add my exercise routein daily? I don't want to have to add each item individually. :/ If you know how to do it and can help, here is what I am doing:
Strech for 5 mins
5 mins elliptical
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
25 high knees
7 burpees (skipped tonight - what is a burpee???)
10 crunches
7 squats
5 pushups
10 crunches
5 pushups
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit (ok, tonight I could only do like 20 seconds - that was the hardest part of the workout! DAMN!!!)
5 pushups
25 high knees
15 minutes elliptical
5 minutes walk
5 minutes strech
All total it took me about 45 minutes. :)
Strech for 5 mins
5 mins elliptical
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
25 high knees
7 burpees (skipped tonight - what is a burpee???)
10 crunches
7 squats
5 pushups
10 crunches
5 pushups
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit (ok, tonight I could only do like 20 seconds - that was the hardest part of the workout! DAMN!!!)
5 pushups
25 high knees
15 minutes elliptical
5 minutes walk
5 minutes strech
All total it took me about 45 minutes. :)
Dirty Little Secrets
Posted on 01/03/2012
Learned an important lesson today. Bagels are EVIL. In naivete I thought by going with 100% whole wheat I was "safe". But MAN! Those carbs jump QUICK! *sigh* Anyone want a bag and a half of wheat bagels??
Exercising was harder tonight. The strength part is still coming easy but that elliptical is really kicking my butt. Partly because it is broken and annoying. Then partly because it is a smaller, home machine. It just doesn't have the long strides like a normal elliptical and so instead feels like a stair stepper. It is tough as shit! So my first night I went 15 minutes. Second night I went 20. Tonight a barely eeked out 15 minutes. And really I was done after 10 but forced myself to stay on for another 5. In time I know it will get easier but I am sure it will get harder before it gets better. :(
Lastly, I want to mark my confession here. I have self diagnosed myself with an ED. I am sure I could get an official diagnosis from a counselor. And I am thinking about going to one. But for now I am coming to terms with this. And it has been my dirty little secret for so long I don't yet feel comfortable discussing it. I always knew I had a problem. I would read about EDs and wonder if what I had was considered one but I had never heard of it before today. You hear of overeaters. Which when I hear that I think of people who over eat ALL THE TIME. Which isn't me. Not to say my portions are healthy. Obviously. But I dont gorge myself consistently. Most of the time I eat normally. Breakfast, lunch dinner. A few snacks. But then sometimes...
I am a Binge Eater. I don't purge afterwards. Maybe I wouldn't be so fat if I did. I could never get past all the grossness of throwing up. The taste, the smell. Not to mention the horrors that it did to your stomach and esophogus. That isn't to say sometimes I WISHED I could purge. Something will happen. I'm stressed. Im lonely. Im bored even. And off I will head to the nearest fast food joint ordering 2 or sometimes even three value meals. Then I head home and eat. And eat. And eat. I shove the food in as quickly as I ran out to get it. And then when I am full, I wait a half hour or so and then eat some more. Maybe adding popcorn or chips or cookies to the mix. And after the night is over, life returns to normal.
Well, almost normal. I am disgusted with myself for my lack of control. I am embarresed cuz really, who eats 3 value meals and then some??? And I am sad because I know I am just adding to the weight I already carry around. Sometimes I will binge twice in the same week. And then sometimes I don't binge for several months. I can tell you this: I am scared for the day I find myself wanting to binge. I am really trying to get on track and finally lose this weight. And if it happens I know I will have to pick up the pieces and move forward. But the day I have to track a binge is going to be one of the worst days of my life.
Exercising was harder tonight. The strength part is still coming easy but that elliptical is really kicking my butt. Partly because it is broken and annoying. Then partly because it is a smaller, home machine. It just doesn't have the long strides like a normal elliptical and so instead feels like a stair stepper. It is tough as shit! So my first night I went 15 minutes. Second night I went 20. Tonight a barely eeked out 15 minutes. And really I was done after 10 but forced myself to stay on for another 5. In time I know it will get easier but I am sure it will get harder before it gets better. :(
Lastly, I want to mark my confession here. I have self diagnosed myself with an ED. I am sure I could get an official diagnosis from a counselor. And I am thinking about going to one. But for now I am coming to terms with this. And it has been my dirty little secret for so long I don't yet feel comfortable discussing it. I always knew I had a problem. I would read about EDs and wonder if what I had was considered one but I had never heard of it before today. You hear of overeaters. Which when I hear that I think of people who over eat ALL THE TIME. Which isn't me. Not to say my portions are healthy. Obviously. But I dont gorge myself consistently. Most of the time I eat normally. Breakfast, lunch dinner. A few snacks. But then sometimes...
I am a Binge Eater. I don't purge afterwards. Maybe I wouldn't be so fat if I did. I could never get past all the grossness of throwing up. The taste, the smell. Not to mention the horrors that it did to your stomach and esophogus. That isn't to say sometimes I WISHED I could purge. Something will happen. I'm stressed. Im lonely. Im bored even. And off I will head to the nearest fast food joint ordering 2 or sometimes even three value meals. Then I head home and eat. And eat. And eat. I shove the food in as quickly as I ran out to get it. And then when I am full, I wait a half hour or so and then eat some more. Maybe adding popcorn or chips or cookies to the mix. And after the night is over, life returns to normal.
Well, almost normal. I am disgusted with myself for my lack of control. I am embarresed cuz really, who eats 3 value meals and then some??? And I am sad because I know I am just adding to the weight I already carry around. Sometimes I will binge twice in the same week. And then sometimes I don't binge for several months. I can tell you this: I am scared for the day I find myself wanting to binge. I am really trying to get on track and finally lose this weight. And if it happens I know I will have to pick up the pieces and move forward. But the day I have to track a binge is going to be one of the worst days of my life.
Official start date: TODAY
Posted on 01/06/2012
It's official... My start date is today. I weighed in and I am at the weight I put in when I signed up. I didn't weigh then because I had lost my scale. So I either didn't lose, or I was fatter than I thought. Gonna go hide the scale again for a while. I don't want to obsess over numbers. And I think I will just get discouraged if I don't see movement. :)
OK, so here we go. Time to find myself.
OK, so here we go. Time to find myself.
Adding it up
Posted on 01/07/2012
So this morning was kind of awesome. I got up and had a leasurely breakfast. Then hit the elliptical. It was great! I was feeling great! I wish every morening could be like that. Not gonna happen during the week. And weekends without the kids are few and far between. I will try next weekend though. See how that works for me with the littles here. :) But, for this weekend, I can't wait until tomorrow.
The really great thing about my morning workout was the extra calories I banked. I knew I would need them because of the girls night tonight. And I think if two of the girls hadn't cancelled I would have gone WAY over, even with the extra 600 caleries. As it was, I stayed under in caleries but went over in carbs. So for good measure i did an extra 15 minutes on the elliptical tonight. Gotta keep all those numbers down. ;)
The really great thing about my morning workout was the extra calories I banked. I knew I would need them because of the girls night tonight. And I think if two of the girls hadn't cancelled I would have gone WAY over, even with the extra 600 caleries. As it was, I stayed under in caleries but went over in carbs. So for good measure i did an extra 15 minutes on the elliptical tonight. Gotta keep all those numbers down. ;)
IS THAT ME???????????
Posted on 01/08/2012
Tonight I am going to do one of the hardest things I have had to do yet. I am going to add my before pics. They are horribly unflattering and embarrasing. I look at them and I am disgusted. But this journey for me is going to come with challenges. And this is one of them. Admitting where I have gotten to. What I have become.
In our shallow world we judge people. Oh come on, I do it too. I look at people and I say to myself, I hope I never look like her. Only now, I realize, I AM her. I am that person I never wanted to become. I realize by posting these pics a lot of my friends will be thinking God they don't look like me. And hoping they never do look like me. I am a realest. I also know they will post their words of encouragement and cheer me along the way. After all, what are friends for. But I know they will be disgusted as I am about those pics. And that is ok. Because they ARE disgusting.
But now it is time to do something about that. To stop being disgusting. To stop being out of breath. To be able to bend over and tie my shoe without huffing through it. To run, to dance, to play. To shop without worrying if they will have my size. To wear cute little dresses. To feel amazing. To BE amazing.
*** And pounds start shedding***
I debated writing a seperate blog post but decided that was dumb. LOL! Anyway, since I took pics tonight I also did all of my measurements. I wasn't going to weigh myself becasue I weighed myself on Friday. On Friday my weight was exactly what I said it was when I started MFP. BUT when I started I didn't weigh in. Remember, I had lost my scale. So I used the number that I last knew myself to be at (about 2 months ago). I figured I either didn't lose anything this week or I weighed more than I thought when I started. But for the sake of doing all my measurements at the same time I figured I should just get on the scale too. Imagine my surprise when I see I lost 2 lbs! Since FRIDAY!! Either my scale is broke or I was kicking ass this weekend. I will go with kicking ass! ;)
Weight: 268
Neck: 16 inches
Waist: 49 inches
Hips: 58 inches
Successful distraction and a healthy way to snack
Posted on 01/09/2012
So last night after my mom left I was really feeling the need to snack. More than that I had been waiting for her to leave so I could SNACK. Ok, ok... binge. I wanted anything and everything. So what did I do??? First I took the time to make a healthy snack. And it took time. Using Chex, Life, Lite Popcorn, and peanut butter chips I mixed them together and then dutifully measured out 1 cup. (I could have had more, I had the extra calories to spare. But I was really trying to stay in control.) Then I signed onto MFP and went through success stories. I looked at pics. I went to runsforcookies blog. I looked at pics. And after all that I just kept htinking I want that to be me! I want to be one of theose success stories!! And just like that, I finished my snack, got ready for bed and went to sleep. No binge!!
So now, what drove me to want to binge?? I THINK it was the pics and measurements. Which, you would think, seeing how awful I look and how high those numbers are, would make me want to NOT eat. But that is just it. The nature of the beast. I see it and think, I am already disgusting. I might as well just say forget it and eat!! I need to stop that thinking. I am better than that. I deserve better than that.
So crises averted. Thankfully. I am proud of myself.
So now, what drove me to want to binge?? I THINK it was the pics and measurements. Which, you would think, seeing how awful I look and how high those numbers are, would make me want to NOT eat. But that is just it. The nature of the beast. I see it and think, I am already disgusting. I might as well just say forget it and eat!! I need to stop that thinking. I am better than that. I deserve better than that.
So crises averted. Thankfully. I am proud of myself.
Skinny B**CH
Posted on 01/09/2012
There is this skinny girl who lives inside me. She has been screaming to get out for YEARS now! In the last year she has become SO much LOUDER and persistant and SUCH a BITCH! I guess it is time to shut her up for good... SO... I am gonna let her out to play!
After I got the kids in bed I started to get a tummy ache. The last thing I wanted to do was get on the elliptical. So I went and put on my workout clothes to inspire myself. And hour later I was just starting to feel better so I forced myself up on the machine. After 5 minutes I was done. After 10 I just wanted to get off!!! I told myself after I hit 15 minutes I could take a short break and just walk around my living room. I got to 15 and hopped down. I walked for about 30 seconds; refilling my water at the same time. Then I got back on. I pushed to 20. At 20 minutes I told myself I just had to make it to 30 to get my 30 minutes in for the day. I pushed and pushed. At 30 minutes I told myself to just hang in and stay in until the end of the show. The show ended at 36 minutes into my workout. Well, 36 isn't a round number and it was only 4 more minutes to 40 so I pushed some more. At 40 minutes I told myself I could hang on for another 5 and get a good 45 minute cadio workout in. I did it!!! All after I didn't want to get on in the first place. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAH!
GROWL! THIS is how you DO IT!!
Posted on 01/19/2012
After I got the kids in bed I started to get a tummy ache. The last thing I wanted to do was get on the elliptical. So I went and put on my workout clothes to inspire myself. And hour later I was just starting to feel better so I forced myself up on the machine. After 5 minutes I was done. After 10 I just wanted to get off!!! I told myself after I hit 15 minutes I could take a short break and just walk around my living room. I got to 15 and hopped down. I walked for about 30 seconds; refilling my water at the same time. Then I got back on. I pushed to 20. At 20 minutes I told myself I just had to make it to 30 to get my 30 minutes in for the day. I pushed and pushed. At 30 minutes I told myself to just hang in and stay in until the end of the show. The show ended at 36 minutes into my workout. Well, 36 isn't a round number and it was only 4 more minutes to 40 so I pushed some more. At 40 minutes I told myself I could hang on for another 5 and get a good 45 minute cadio workout in. I did it!!! All after I didn't want to get on in the first place. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAH!
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