Pizza and the downfall

So last night I needed a fast dinner for me and the kids. After talking with some friends I realized I had flat bread, pizza sauce, and cheese and we could make pizzas and then they wouldn't take long to cook. But as the day wore on I couldn't forget the fact that I had a Red Baron frozen pizza in my fridge. I LOVE Red Baron Pizza. They are tasty, crispy and quick. There have been times I have chosen the Red Baron over ordering out for pizza. That is how much I love them. But after buying it I had read the nutrition details and had yet to cave to the temptation of all that fat and sodium. Until last night...

I was smart about it. I added it into my diary. Calculated the calories and fat. Worked my meals around it and decided I could "afford" it. I would just make sure to chug some lemon water to clear up the sodium before Sunday's weigh in. I was so excited! I could finally eat my favorite pizza and not have to pay for it! Plus, it would get it out of my freezer and then I wouldn't have to look at it almost every day. I just had to stay smart about it.

I got home and cooked the pizza. I cut the kids their pieces. Than I cut my two pieces. It was heaven. The only thing that would have made it better was to have a Coke to go with it. But I, of course, don't keep Coke in my house. For the same reason I will not be buying another Red Baron pizza. Temptation. So I dutifully chugged my water. I finished my 2 slices but I wanted more. I went and cut another small slice. What the hell. I had worked my food diary to I was just even with my calories for the day. And that was my pre-workout calories. I could easily burn off the extra little slice. I finished and then me and the kids moved on with our night.

I got the kids in bed and then sat down to watch Idol. Every commercial break I would wander in the kitchen. I do this a lot. Wander in there, look around, decided there is nothing worth eating, and wander out. It is just a need to much. I am not hungry. I am mostly bored. I started thinking that I should just get on my elliptical. But... my elliptical is squeaky and I wouldn't be able to hear the TV. So I sat. And Wandered. And sat.

Next think I know I am in the kitchen cutting another small piece of the pizza. I should have thrown it away. But here I am . Again, I can work this off. I walk out but I CONSUME that piece. It is gone before the commercial break ends. I am back in the kitchen. I am grabbing the last of the pizza. It is one BIG slice. I am shoving it pell mell into my face. I am devouring it.

I stopped mid-"bite". Why is bite italicized? Because my mouth was full. So full I could barely chew. And here it is. The reality of a binge. The fast paced shoveling of the food before you can think about what you are doing. Just hurry and get it in. Eat. EAT. EAT!!! But I had stopped. I walked to the trash I spit out what was in my mouth. I threw away what was left. And I tried to pick up my dignity with it. But the damage was done. I calculated how much of that pizza I had eaten. I did my workout. And I am still over. But I logged it all away. And then put myself to bed. Tomorrow is another day...