Myself mostly. In my last post I said I have been keeping my diet mostly on track. Just going over a little each day. Which is true for most of the days. But then one or two days a week I have been bad. Eating exrta, eating crap, eating over. And worst of all not logging. I am not holding myself accoutable for these binges. And it is becoming more and more. Ice cream, pizza, popcorn... I didn't realize how much I was doing it but now that I am looking closer I am realizing more and more how much I am doing it. And yes, I am sure this is keeping me from getting off this plateau.
I know it started with the whole "eat more"mentality. I was doing fine. Until I needed to eat more to get off the plateau. And then it was like I started using that as an excuse. Oh, well, I need to eat more so I can have this. I need to up my calories so i can have that. Blah, blah, it is all just excuses to revert back to my old ways of eating. It has been about 3 weeks of doing this now with this last week being by far the worst. And now that I have reverted to eating crap it feels like I can't get back to the way I was eating. I almost don't know how to rein it in.
What I need to do is get strict about my meal planning again. Plan out breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Have them all written out just like when I first started. And then stick to it. I don't relish having to go back to being so ridged. Especially since I will have to take the time to do this planning. But I also know I can't spend the money of the meal plan service I was using either. I just can't afford those meals in my budget right now. I need to be smart and frugal and most of all healthy. And my fist step is to get the crap out of my kitchen. I have pie crusts, unbaked cakes with frosting, ice cream. OUT! I need to get it all out.
I also need to start being honest. Start holding myself more accountable for what I am putting in my mouth. Track every bite. Good or bad. Which is of course the hardest part. being accountable to yourself. Owning up to yourself. And being honest with yourself. I hate that food is such a problem for me. It sucks.
*On a side note: one thing I have discovered with eating more poorly. I don't have the want/desire/passion for working out. I am sluggish and tired. It is harder to convince myself to get up and do a workout. And that suks. i used to really enjoy working out and now it has become an internal argument to even get it done. And I need to get my eating abck on track so I can start loving the workouts again. And stop blowing them off. Becasue I have been doing that too. UH! It is all a viscious cycle. One thing ruins another that ruins another.
I also think part of the problem is the workouts themselves. I really miss not having a trainer. Even that one day a week was helping me to keep going. Even with doing P90X it doesn't seem as challenging as I was hoping for. Sure I am tired and it is hard and I am working up a great sweat. But one part of working out that I have really come to love is the pain of it. Having sore muscles lets me know I have been working hard. And makes me want to work harder and keep it going. I have barely had sore muscles. Even with P90X. I need something that is really going to push me to work hard. I really wish I could take a boot camp class or something but I just don't have hte time with the kids. It all sounds like excuses but i really can't seem to figure out how to make it work. I need a sitter. But even the mention of it to my mom and she scoffs that she is availble. But then she doesn't want to commit to watching the kids so much. I talked her into watching them once a week and the only way I talked her into it was because I am taking a parenting class which she really agrees with. And even then it is only for 6 weeks. I need to figure out something becaue I am tired of being fat. And I need to get back into a weightloss mode that will work for me.
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