Update

I realized it has been a long time since I have given an update. Of course I will update soon with my new measurements and pics but I should check in more often than once a month. I have been doing well. I started Level 3 of Jillian's 30 Day Shred this week after completing 10 days of level 1 and 10 days of level 2. I really like it! Today I am hurting but that is a good thing. It means I am working hard and working out muscles I haven't been working before, which is a good thing. I am still doing the elliptical. Not as often as before though. Just if I have the time/energy to get on after my Jillian workout.

I am noticing a lot of changes. I really think I will have quite a change in inches this month. I can't wait to see the progress photos. LOL! I am down to 231 in weight. So I am still losing at a healthy level. I have to say though it can be tough to watch the Biggest Loser and see them pull the BIG numbers and I am just plodding along. But then I have to remind myself that they are working out for 4 hours a day!!

I am still doing my food diary. I track every day and have 88 days logged so far. Of course I have my good days and my bad days. But even when I have a bad day I am stayiong within my calorie limits. I end up splurging (like yesterday I had a half of a Peanut Butter Snickers and some Milk Duds) but then I just make sure I do the exercise needed to work it off. So I really think I am doing great. Of course I would love it even more if I could pull those big numbers like BL but that isn't realistic.

I have discovered through BL how much I really like Bob Harper. He really feels for his people and cares about them. It leaves me wishing I had someone helping me and supporting me like that. Don't get me wrong, I have support from my friends and family. But they are on the sidelines cheering me on. I don't have anyone to walk with, hike with, exercise with. Someone to push me when I am not feeling it. Or push me further when I think I am done. Someone to cry with me when things are hard. Someone to cheer with me when I reach a goal. I just wish I had someone. For now, I think I am just going to buy some Bob Harper videos though. Cuz that is really all I can do.

Urges...

I should be writing my update. I did my 2 month weigh-in and progress pics last week and I should be blogging about them But fist I need to get this out.

I started watching The Biggest Loser today. I figured it would inspire me to work harder, eat better and really pump me up. Season 1 episode 2. The challenge is about a bake sale. Whoever sells the most, wins. And I am watching them cut up brownies and I start thinking how bad I want a brownie. Ok, everything in moderation. But I just know if I make brownies I WILL eat the whole pan. In fact most of today my thoughts keep going to running up to the store for different junk food to indulge in. I want to watch a moviee and have popcorn. I want a Coke. I want brownies. I wint to binge.

So now the hard part will be overcoming today. DONT go to the store. And dont go scrounging in your cupboards. And then my nemisis. On the menu for tonights dinner: Taco Pizza. We all know I have a hard time when it comes to pizza. But I am making it from scratch so I am thinking I just need to make it a personal pizza. Just big enough for me for dinner. Cross your fingers and hope for me.

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OK, so now onto the good stuff: My 2 month stats and pictures. I am down a total of 30 lbs in 2 months. Which means I only have 100 lbs to go! This month I started Jillians 30 Day Shred and I am hoping that it helps me lose not just weight but also inches. I am heading to PA next month and want to be looking great.

Weight: 238
Neck: 15.5
Waist: 47.5
Hips: 54.5

Top take 3/8/12

Bottom taken 1/8/12

Left taken 3/8/12  Right taken Nov 2011

30 down and more to go!

I am officially 30 lbs down today. I don't do my 1 month weigh/pics for another 4 days. I am excited to see the progress in pics. I think I am going to see some great results! I am very excited. Also, since I am traveling to the east coast in a month I have started Jillian's 30 Day Shred. I am hoping to be down another 20 lbs by then and looking awesome. I am so excited and happy to be on this journey. Even with my slip ups I am rocking it! ;)

Pizza AGAIN

Tonight the kids were gone. I made a Boboli pizza. I ate the whole thing. THE WHOLE F'EN PIZZA!!! I am disgusted with myself and I feel like crap. Literally. My tummy isn't digesting it well.

I worked out on the elliptical for 45 minutes. I have been folloing up my elliptical with crunches but tonight my tummy just couldn't take it.

I am so disappointed in myself. Why do I do this??? Everything I read says it is supposed to be emotional. The whole binging thing. OK, maybe. I could see it. I was supposed to go car shopping with my dad. Which in an of itself is emotional. I am losing the van to repo after the BK. I still haven't gotten the Ford from G and will probably just end up turning it over to him. My parents are bailing me out and buying me a car. And yet I am excited to get a "new" car. And yet I am not excited about the prospect of being more indebted to my parents.

Then I posted on FB today about daycares. I am stressed over daycare for the kids. Not just that but I really want Savannah in preschool. A good preschool where she will learn. Well, then my brother jumps on and starts talking about me quitting my job and just going to school myself. I could live on student loans and then I would qualify for all the state programs I don't qualify for now. I have to admit it is temping. I have been wanting to go back to school for years but always have an excuse. I have thought about this many times. Even before the divorce I was considering it. But it is scary to leave a job that you have been at for 9 years and just be jobless. To have to rely on state welfare programs and school loans. Not to mention the fact that my mom has told me how much she HATES the idea. And frankly I feel like I can't do anything without her permission because she pays for everything for me and supports me and my kids. And that is a depressing thought. I am a 31 year old kid being taken care of by mommy. And I don't like the fact that she is SO involved in my life and gets to be a part of these desicions. But I don't know what else to do. I can't even afford to put my kid in preschool let alone pay for a car or even a place to live. So what the hell am I supposed to do???

Ok, I can see how I ate the whole pizza. But dammit I still fell like shit. Only now I fell worse. Thanks pizza. Thank you for mkaing me fell like shit all over. I know, it wasn't the pizza. It was me. I was the one who ate it. And I am the one who put myself in this situation. And I need to buck up and be strong like usual. Tomorrow is another day. Another day to eat right and exercise right. And another day to figure out what to do about my life and my kids lives. Tomorrow is another day.

Pizza and the downfall

So last night I needed a fast dinner for me and the kids. After talking with some friends I realized I had flat bread, pizza sauce, and cheese and we could make pizzas and then they wouldn't take long to cook. But as the day wore on I couldn't forget the fact that I had a Red Baron frozen pizza in my fridge. I LOVE Red Baron Pizza. They are tasty, crispy and quick. There have been times I have chosen the Red Baron over ordering out for pizza. That is how much I love them. But after buying it I had read the nutrition details and had yet to cave to the temptation of all that fat and sodium. Until last night...

I was smart about it. I added it into my diary. Calculated the calories and fat. Worked my meals around it and decided I could "afford" it. I would just make sure to chug some lemon water to clear up the sodium before Sunday's weigh in. I was so excited! I could finally eat my favorite pizza and not have to pay for it! Plus, it would get it out of my freezer and then I wouldn't have to look at it almost every day. I just had to stay smart about it.

I got home and cooked the pizza. I cut the kids their pieces. Than I cut my two pieces. It was heaven. The only thing that would have made it better was to have a Coke to go with it. But I, of course, don't keep Coke in my house. For the same reason I will not be buying another Red Baron pizza. Temptation. So I dutifully chugged my water. I finished my 2 slices but I wanted more. I went and cut another small slice. What the hell. I had worked my food diary to I was just even with my calories for the day. And that was my pre-workout calories. I could easily burn off the extra little slice. I finished and then me and the kids moved on with our night.

I got the kids in bed and then sat down to watch Idol. Every commercial break I would wander in the kitchen. I do this a lot. Wander in there, look around, decided there is nothing worth eating, and wander out. It is just a need to much. I am not hungry. I am mostly bored. I started thinking that I should just get on my elliptical. But... my elliptical is squeaky and I wouldn't be able to hear the TV. So I sat. And Wandered. And sat.

Next think I know I am in the kitchen cutting another small piece of the pizza. I should have thrown it away. But here I am . Again, I can work this off. I walk out but I CONSUME that piece. It is gone before the commercial break ends. I am back in the kitchen. I am grabbing the last of the pizza. It is one BIG slice. I am shoving it pell mell into my face. I am devouring it.

I stopped mid-"bite". Why is bite italicized? Because my mouth was full. So full I could barely chew. And here it is. The reality of a binge. The fast paced shoveling of the food before you can think about what you are doing. Just hurry and get it in. Eat. EAT. EAT!!! But I had stopped. I walked to the trash I spit out what was in my mouth. I threw away what was left. And I tried to pick up my dignity with it. But the damage was done. I calculated how much of that pizza I had eaten. I did my workout. And I am still over. But I logged it all away. And then put myself to bed. Tomorrow is another day...

My 1st notice

Today I had something amazing happen. But I think it will be hard to explain. I have a "shelf butt". Meaning where my back ends instead of it curving into my butt it juts out. Creating a kind of "shelf". Or... at least it did. Today I was standing and looking in the mirror when I was getting dressed and I realized the shelf is gone. My back actualy curves into my butt. My butt is still big but the "shelf" is gone. Yay for some visible evidence of what I have been working my ass off for. (Literally!! ;)

One Month In...

So after one month I am down 19 lbs and have lost 3 inches. I am still rocking the elliptical daily as well as picking up some kickboxing and aerobic dance. I am loving the meals I have been eating, getting them from Life Made Easier with Leah. I even did really good with the superbowl as all of the snacks were "lighteded up" and I kept to my one serving per item limit. I even splurged on a Coke. But put in an hour of exercise for the day and more than made up for the calories I ate. I am really excited about this journey and can't wait to see how things progress.

Weight: 249
Neck: 16
Waist: 48.5
Hips: 55.5
I do have to say I am getting worried about my period coming. Last time it came I went up 10 lbs and it took me 2 weeks before I get back to where I was. I don't even think I was eating poorly and I DID continue exercising during that time. So I don't know why it happened. But as I am only a week or less out from my period again I am getting stressed over how it will affect my weight this time. :(